I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
last night I used snow as a chaser
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
