first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
