K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
