dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
