she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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