I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize