so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Randomize
