So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
