so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
