after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
