If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
