I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
