Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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