You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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