P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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