I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I came so hard my ears popped.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
