i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
