Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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