I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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