did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
