just come out here and I will go home with you...
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
