I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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