Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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