I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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