sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize