yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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