Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
