are you still at the devil's house?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
