i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
