then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
