I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
