so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
