i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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