fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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