you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
