If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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