why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
