I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
