so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
