At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
