apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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