It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
