So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
