I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
