Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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