you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
