So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Mom said you looked used
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
