A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
