I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
