Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
