i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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