You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
