$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
foreskin is a definite game changer
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
