Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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