Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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