So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
