There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
