you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize