You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize