just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
