Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
