i don't plan on having that self control this summer
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
