we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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