Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
