Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
