im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
