I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
