Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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