What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
