No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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