Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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