3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Need sex. Gaining weight.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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