He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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