Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
