It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
