3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Randomize
