happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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