She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
