Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
