i think my tv is drunk
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize