thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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