i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
