I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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