Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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